Sep 10, 2009

Heavy heart

This blog was supposed to be about art. I am sponsoring a soccer team that may be looking in here for my art business and wondering what the heck is going on here - very little art lately. Life has gotten in the way and so this blog has been about life lately. Last week I thought was rough enough to complain and whine about. Today, last week's little post office ordeal, and toe hurt and arm hurt, and medical tests don't matter a hill of beans - all so trivial. If I could find a way to tell you all of the things that have happened in the last few days without compromising the privacy of others, you still wouldn't believe the heart ache that I have been dealing with the last few days. I will only give you a sketch of the things on my mind and aching in my heart. Tonight was the blow that took my breath away and left my heart very heavy, left me tired and weak and small. For several days in a row I have gotten very bad news about or from people in my life - old friends, complete strangers that I crossed paths with in nothing but a twist of fate, and newer friends. The kinds of significant things that happen that leave you dazed and scared. A couple struggling to keep their life together, both hurting more than I can tell you and looking for strength and reasons to keep working on their life together. Someone I only met by chance, very depressed and hurting and near giving up this life on earth. I am so far away and so useless in helping the person. So far, people focused on themselves and what they can handle and what they can't and wanting to give up . . . making this last blow all the more upsetting and ironic. Tonight I found out that someone I've just started to get to know, who I have traded work with, who I just wrote the other day, whose message to me is still in my inbox, who I truly care about, who was perfectly fine yesterday and had no idea what was about to happen, discovered (either by divine intervention or another twist of fate) that she has cancer today. Bet she will fight to stay alive, fight to keep her relationships in focus - how ironic life can be. I'll bet you too that her first thoughts are not about herself, her suffering, her needs, her ordeal with the post office, her pain, her tests, her anything . . . I bet her first thoughts are about her children and husband and family instead. How out of perspective some of us allow things to get - me more than anyone. This is not about me, but shame on me for feeling sorry for myself in my little easy world. I probably shouldn't be writing any of this, but if you pray, pray for these people I mention. I don't feel big enough to say big enough prayers for all they are suffering. I feel helpless. I feel angry and scared and frustrated and I am not the one suffering any of these things the others I mentioned are suffering. I can't imagine what they are going through.

Update - the announcement has been made so I can let you know that it is Tina Wright of {glue on my fingertips} that discovered she has cancer and it was yesterday, not today. I believe in being specific in your prayers and thoughts and meditations, so please lift her name up in your prayers and healing voices. Include her family and friends as this was discovered completely by accident (or divine intervention as I suspect) and I imagine everyone is in great shock. She had an emergency appendectomy that revealed the cancer in her body. She is a strong person with strong faith that I truly believe can lick this thing. If you visit her blog, you will see we were just in the midst of a sharing project and she just emailed me, cheerful and happy as could be on Tuesday, making me feel better of course. I am so determined to send every possible prayer her way.

24 comments:

Tace said...

I will think big, huge, positive thoughts for the people you mentioned. Actually for the whole world. :) I will hope for the best, whatever that may be, and I will believe there's a reason behind all of the itty bitty and ginormous stresses humans face.

Tumble Fish Studio said...

Thank you, Tace.

Rosie said...

I like the part in the Desiderata where it says "everywhere life is full of heroism", and I believe that. It's often the most difficult times which bring out the very best in people, and in all darkness there is always a golden seam of love and hope.

Tumble Fish Studio said...

Rosie, I will hold onto that thought. It is beautiful and something to believe in.

Flippinpest said...

Sorry to hear of the troubles that you and your circle of friends have had.It is easy to say that things can get better as when you are in the depths of despair, you feel that nothing can change.Sending my best wishes over the ocean for you and your loved ones x

yoborobo said...

Marsha - Life can be so darn hard sometimes. I have two friends battling cancer. They are the bravest and most amazing people I have ever met. One of my friends I met through Blog World, and I can't fathom what life has dealt to her and her family. It does make you stop and take stock of things. To remember what is important: your family and loved ones. Everything else is just stuff and nonsense. :) We do get caught up in it, though. I will add your dear friends in my prayers and I send you peace. xoxoxox Pam

Caity said...

Keeping those people in need AND YOU in my thoughts and prayers.

aliceinparis said...

It is the valleys that make us appreciate the mountain tops.Life can be so hard.
I will send out positive thoughts for your friends. Maybe it was a good thing that it was found like this. It might be early enough to overcome! Hoping for the very best!
xo

Terri Kahrs said...

Marsha, when you have an opportunity, check your Flickr mail. Much love, Terri xoxo

Stacey said...

Thankfully the cancer was found . . and now let the fight begin. I pray it's not too advanced and that your friend doesn't endure too many painful procedures to beat this. It can be beaten - my father-in-law has so far . . knock on wood . . beaten pancreatic and kidney cancer! God is good. He does answer prayers. She and all your friends going through trying times are in my prayers.

I know easier said than done, but try to remain positive no matter what. {{HUGS}} And, have a good day! :) ~Stacey

roc said...

life offers us no instructions on how to think, feel or deal with the hands we get dealt to play in life. we have to take each day as it comes, always do the best we can in any given moment and hand over all the rest to god. god bless you all.

NancyB said...

Hello dear friend! Massive big hugs! Many good thoughts for all the people you have mentioned and for you also...I will be saying many prayers for all of you! Times like this are when friends lift you up! We are all here for you! xoxo

sharon said...

I will pray for your friend, and the healing of all these problems. Michelle at Lost Coast Post had a very inspirational quote on her blog piece today...."There are no great things, only small things with great love." Mother Teresa
Hugs Marsha

Leslie said...

That Mother Teresa quote, "There are no great things, only small things with great love," is so profound. I'll being sending positive energy to your and yours.

cindy said...

Marsha! Thanks for doing this post. I know, its so hard. I was just devastated last night when Will called. But as you said, she is strong and very Faithful! :D We will fight with her! She was delighted to be working with you on your project and was very tickled with getting to know ya better!

hugs,
c
yapping cat

Linda Crispell said...

I hope you can feel all of the positive energy being sent your way. You are so kind and generous and I am sure your friends are grateful for your friendship during their difficult time.
Your Pal,
Linda

~*~Magpie's Nest said...

thank you for opening your heart and speaking so beautifully with thoughts and caring for others especially when you have 'stuff' of your own going on!
prayers and healing wishes are winging their way to you Marsha and for Tina as well!
here is my favorite blessing for U:
May the long time sun shine upon you
All Love surround you
and the pure Light within you
Guide your way on
oxoo ~*~ Patty

Bea said...

I will include her and all of those struggling with their lives, the lives of their loved ones, their neighbors, friends and all.
I saw my healing prayers in the morning so I send out what light and love and healing energy I can to all of those in need. :)Bea

Kim Mailhot said...

Hi there, lovely Marsha...prayers and holding on toight to what is right around us is all we have. We can be angry, we can be sad, we can ask that dreaded "Why ?" question, but in the end, we can only mark it up to human existance. But those prayers, and those moments of love and of gratitude for what is good, is what balances it out and keeps us living on...
Sending you and your Tina and her family lots of prayers and much love...that's all we can do...but that is a lot in many ways, I think.
I'm with you, sweet one !

Tumble Fish Studio said...

Thank you everyone. Your thoughts and prayers mean the world - not just to me but I am sure will make all the difference in the lives of these people. I believe in the power of prayer, especially in the power of lots and lots of prayers being sent at once. Include Cindy of Yapping Cat, Tina's good friend. I know she is hurting.

I have laid on the couch all day. I came down with a head cold a couple of days ago and I think my mind just needs to rest and escape and think good thoughts for people.

TheresainMS said...

Marsha, my heart goes out to you and those close to you who are hurting. I know we all have our problems, etc. and like has been said already, they don't mean a hill of beans in light of what others are suffering. My prayers are definitely added to yours and everyone else's. Much love and heartfelt hugs to you and to all who need them.

Theresa in MS

Gretz said...

What a gorgeous swap you made for Tina. I am sure it brightened her day!

VBR said...

Dear little Miss Fish - I read your post and if I could give you a big hug I would. Sometimes life just seems to send so much sadness one's way. I know that you were having a difficult time recently and now to learn of this sad news about your friend. But, I do really believe in the power of positive thoughts, prayer and affirmation of health and I hope that these many messages will bring you some comfort right now and that the prayers and intentions of everyone who you have shared your heart with will give your friend strength and courage in the coming days. vbr

Shannon said...

Marsha,

I have been all caught up in my own little world myself and I haven't been to visit anyone's blog in a few weeks. Then tonight I was scrolling through my favorite blogs and caught sight of the title of this post. I immediately pulled up your blog hoping that nothing was wrong with you or your loved ones. I hate to hear you like this first of all. I can just hear the sadness in your voice (writing). And second, I'm truly sorry for your friends that are going through such a hard time. Cancer is such a scarey, scarey thing. Just the word invokes terror I think in everyone. I have the same feeling as you, when I hear someone is going through something like that I realize that my arthritis and my pain is nothing, nothing at all compared to what those people go through physically and mentally. It's so easy for me to sit around and think about my situation and feel sorry for myself when the truth is it could be 100 times worse for me. God apparently doesn't gives us more than we can handle, but like I told my Mom one day recently, "sometimes you wonder if he doesn't think we can handle a lot more than we really can?" If I had one wish, it would be to have cancer taken completely out of this world. Doesn't it seem like there is more cancer today than there was years ago? Now it seems like there is always someone you know getting cancer, or a friend of a friend or a relative. And when I was kid, it didn't seem like it was that prevelant.