Not just today, but everyday . . .

. . . I think of my mom. I lost her 12 years ago today and oh, how I still miss her. She was 66 and I was 30 and my parents had been married 46 years when she died. I don't get sad anymore when I think of her or when this day rolls around, just take an extra minute to remember and say "hi". Speaking of fairies, as I often do, I know she must certainly have been one. She was full of magic I realize now - truly the sweetest person I have ever known. She was happy, and kind, and kind of quiet and innocent and very pure. She had her faults too but only one or two. She worried too much, more than me, about every little ol' thing but I get that. But, she was strong, she just verbalized what might or might not go just right so that she kind of committed to coming up with plan a, b, and c and prepare for them - just like me, I do that well. Everything always worked out, just right - and they usually do for me too. She was a great cook, an everything-from-scratch kind of cook, a main dish, couple of vegetables, salad, bread at every meal kind of cook. No paper plates, ever, and always fresh iced tea. Her meals were so delicious. I know now after trying to cook like she did, that she had some stash of magic fairy powder that made everything taste perfect and come out just right. She had other enchanting powders and sprinkles and spells and charms that prevented dust from collecting on anything in the house, or dirt from sticking to the carpet, kept the dishes done and laundry done, all while she worked full time. I remember many things. - even the smells I remember so vividly: her perfume, her lotion she used at night, the leather/spearmint gum smell of her purse (that I snooped through regularly to find her magic fold up rain bonnet which simply just fascinated me and then got me into trouble cuze I could never fold it up right again), the smell of the house - clean with just a hint of something baking and a window open, even in the winter. She could stop time when she needed to so that she was never late to pick us up or get us somewhere we needed to be. She always had enough time to volunteer places, and go fishing with my dad, and water her flowerbeds, and visit my grandparents and go to church. I think of all the things she did so well and that I do so miserably. I need her magic stash of powders and spells - how I wish I knew where she left them. Oh, but I do cough like her. Every time I cough it runs through my mind that it sounds just like her and that little thing, that little natural urge of a cough makes me smile every time. Strange huh? I've been thinking of taking some of my mom's pics and making a fairy picture of her. Maybe soon - it's hard to mess with the idea of the wings and dress and crown I imagine in her pictures, especially the ones of her as a little girl - I can't make what I see in those pictures.

Here's a picture sans crown or wings . . . my mom . . .


Please do not copy this picture - my grandfather was a portrait photographer and he took this picture.