Feb 8, 2010

Further along . . . .

Yesterday was the family and then the public visitation for dad. It was very difficult. Today was the funeral at the church followed by the graveside service. It too was incredibly hard and I couldn't control my sobs. I am usually very composed but not today. Man, it was so hard. I buried myself into Kent's shoulder and so appreciated his strength today.

It was snowing a big heavy beautiful snow this morning and it was such a peaceful quiet poignant atmosphere. Whenever I have seen someone in an open casket service I am somewhat comforted by how empty they look. Dad looked empty and I realized he was not there, that we just form an attachment to someone's body and face and the way the spirit animates it as the preacher spoke about today. But the body is just a shell that is cast away when the spirit soars to the next life and it helped to see with my own eyes that that is true. He has left us and I am sad and joyful about that at the same time. As we were leaving the graveside this morning a formation of geese flew over and that was very meaningful - my dad spent his career protecting and researching the migration of geese and ducks and many places we have lived were habitats for Canada geese like the ones that flew by today. It made us smile and know that it was a special wink from dad.

20 comments:

Sharon said...

Yes, your Dad was letting you know that he is in a better place and he will wait until he can see you again. The pain is over and now the healing begins.....Sharon

Joy said...

This was a really lovely and descriptive post Marsha. Hugs and God bless.

Anji Johnston said...

Dear Marsha - my heart goes out to you. The pain and numbness you must be feeling right now must be unbearable. I have been there recently and I really know how it feels. I lost my sister and nephew within 24 hours of each other 9 weeks ago and I thought my heart would break. But I have chosen to remember all the wonderful memories and legacies they have left behind for me to cherish. Your father was blessed to have had you in his life and vice versa. So let the healing begin and take one day at a time.
Thinking of you
Anji

Jaime Haney aka ArtsyFartsy.Me said...

Will the circle, be unbroken, by and by Lord, by and by... There's a better home a waiting.. in the sky Lord, in the sky...

I'm thinking of you Marsha during this hard time. May all the happy memories flood and cloud the most recent difficult ones.

julie Haymaker thompson said...

Oh Marsha. I am so sorry for you and your family . It has been a long and painful journey. You have just shared what I feel is one of life's most intimate and painful of experiences, God do I know . Not many have the opportunity to be their like you did. Words cannot describe the feelings . I call it Hell and yes I do believe in hell. Not as in a place we go to ,but as in some of life's moments, like watching someone we love die of cancer and being with them right beyond the end, this is so very very personal. Watching them pass through this painful end and feeling in so many ways, helpless at having an effect on the process they must pass through and we can do nothing but be there and try are best to "keep them comfortable" it is soooo hard and what I call pure raw hell . Only someone who loves the their loved one very much can share this time with them . You must have loved your father with all your heart and Soul. You must be just exhausted. I so wish I could help but all I can offer is my caring thoughts and my admiration for the gift you gave your Father. He must be so proud of you where every he is now as he rasied and incredible daughter with much courage and love . How long will you stay ? I hope long enough to rest before the long drive back home. Please keep us posted I have not been able to stop by until now , but my sister Lorrie was been keeping me updated .We both care very much Hugs Julie

Julia said...

It touches me deep to read this blogpost Marsha!

Life sometimes is so hard but as you said , his spirit lives on and once you'll meet him again.

Hugs and love from Julia

barefootchef said...

I know this must have been a hard day for you. The meaning of the geese flying overhead was such a strong reminder of your dad, what he loved and that although he is not there in body, he is there with you in spirit. Every time you see one flying by, smile and wave!

Kim Mailhot said...

Oh, the geese...how poignant indeed. Your Dad's spirit will be giving you messages in any way he can for a while - that was my experience anyway. I still feel my Dad when a red-tailed hawk flies overhead after 13 years... Mourning is so very hard, the hardest thing we go through in this life really, but it is filled with comfort, love and heart-touching moments as well.
Sending you more big love and prayers.

Kathy said...

I've followed along this heart wrenching journey. You truly must be exhausted. Let the healing begin and keep looking up. I too believe the geese were a "flyover" from your dad.Warm thoughts and prayers being sent your way. - Kathy

yoborobo said...

Marsha - It will take time to be able to think about your Dad without the hurt of these last weeks, but that day will come. I love the geese, what a lovely way to say "until I see you again." xoxoxoxo Pam

Leslie said...

Thank you for sharing this journey you have made. This is a beautiful, meaningful post.

Linda Crispell said...

My Father passed away Feb. 6, 1996 at the age of 57. I can honestly tell you that it does get easier. We celebrate his birthday every year with his favorite food and music.
Wishing you and your family strength during this difficult time.
Your Pal,
Linda

Cathy Spivey Mendola said...

I'm sorry for all that you have been through recently. May your days get better as you come to terms with this. Losing your father is a very hard thing indeed. It does get easier over time. Just know that he is at peace now. Try to conjure up all the good memories of him and keep him close at heart!
BIG hugs to you.
xoxo
cathy

Tracey@glitterbugstudios said...

Dear Marsha, What a poignant post you have written us. I wish I could give you a big hug. Thank you for telling about the geese. I haven't had a parent pass but when my grandmother, whom I was very close to did, I was sick with a terrible fever & couldn't go to the funeral. She came to me in a dream and comforted me. I will never forget it. I think your father was doing the same thing. God bless you & take care. Tracey

Judith said...

How often in life do we get to fully experience an emotion so deep and complete? It's a gift really. As I look back on my own parents' passing, I see the treasure they gave us even as they were leaving us. What a blessing he was to you.

Janny said...

Beuatiful how you can write about your deepest feelings.Big Hug x

Ocean Lotus said...

what a lovely image and peaceful sight that must have been for you to see the geese - many hugs for you...

aliceinparis said...

Marsha, my heart is reaching out to you. Your story mirrored my own, I remember the sharp aching and the confusion, trying to make sense of it all. Such hard times. But yes, things will get easier eventually. Look for signs, they will be there. The geese....very comforting.
xoxoxoxox
Shelagh

Jamie said...

The geese were there for you Marsha. They were there for your Father. I am so glad Kent was there. I have been there in spirit. Love, Jamie

Anita Van Hal said...

Hi Marsha, thank you so much for sharing this long, hard journey with us...I think it's beautiful about the geese...what a tribute and great sign...prayers will continue to go up for you and your family as you continue to grieve. Hugs!