Dec 28, 2008

I'm out of it . . .

I deleted my long whiny post I put up this morning cuz I am really feeling private and self pitying at the moment. Don't you hate self pity? I am definitely not in my best frame of mind. But still alive, just very self involved and loathing. It's amazing how low you can get after letting yourself do nothing but think for a couple of days. You wouldn't want me to visit your blog right now, trust me, even though I am tempted (I'm afraid I will make everything about me right now and that would be rude) - I'll be back in a few minutes or hours or days . . . . who knows. Thinking of you all and miss you (really and truly) and will get all caught up soon.


Jill said...

Hi Marsha! What sucks about feeds is that even when you post and then delete, your old post stays in the feeds so I did just read your "whiny" post -- which wasn't "whiny" at all because me and Deb McW. just had the exact same conversation in real life AND via email over the last weeks.
What's the point?
Who cares?
I dunno. Those are the things that kept me from going back. I got brave this past fall to show "real life" friends and co-workers art that I did and some from a RR. Show a non mixed-media collage person some mixed-media/collage art and it's like all the adjectives in the universe are suddenly swallowed up by a big black hole! I can't bring myself to "make" anything for my non-art friends because they don't "get" it and it's like giving a part of myself away knowing it's probably going in the trash. I guess we all do our art because we need to. There doesn't have to be an end result. The joy is supposedly in the journey and artistic process. 2009 I'll start doing more journaling instead of art pieces. That way I have the creative part of it w/out feeling like I need to do something with my end product. I guess we could ask the same of knitters - why do you knit? Or painters or weavers--why do you paint or why do you weave? I think it's supposed to be the joy of the creative process. I dunno. I'm still trying to figure it out too.

Tumble Fish Studio said...

I just read that Etsy has 800,000 registered users and 130,000 sellers. I don't know if that makes me feel better or worse. I've been talking with hubby today (AGAIN as he would say with exasperation) - there's a danger in blogging because your audience is slanted, on your side and may give you a bit more confidence than you deserve - unblogging family, friends, and coworkers are a slice of the real world but they are not necessarily art appreciaters either - I mean quad running nascar watching tendancies don't always mesh with collage art appreciation. I should have learned wildlife illustration like my dad wanted me to so I could design duck stamps - those things fly off the shelves (pun only slightly intended).

Tumble Fish Studio said...

By the way, THANKS, Jill for your understanding. At least YOU have a real job too! I may look into this myself.

Anonymous said...

HUGS to you Tumble Fish Studio. I hear you loud and clear, but can't help feel a little selfish since I just discovered you. Don't give up yet, PLEASE. Your work is amazing...REALLY.

Still, I know how you feel and have been there myself and have come through and learned a few things as a result. And, I hate to use a cliche, but here it is (because it may help): It's always darkest before the dawn.

Also, just because people don't "get" your art doesn't mean anything -- not a hoot if making art makes you happy. In addition, since many artists don't acheive fame until they're dead, it stands to reason that there has to be another motivation to create. I think we need to create; that creating is who we are; that we are wired for it, even if the world is wired differently.

I've written about this on my blog before -- because this place you're in is a common reality for us arty types. So, in case this helps, too (and I hope it does) here's the link:

Most of all, I just want you to know you're not alone, that you are an awesome artist (though it shouldn't matter to you what I think), and that I hope you feel better soon. Also, thanks for sharing you thoughts and your art. It touches us in unexpected ways and encourages our own creative souls to continue.

Again, hugs to you my new friend!

Anonymous said...

PLEASE stop saying real job, I am trying to ignore that reality as long as I can. You have 2 coming up for college, I have 2 in college with 2nd term payments due next week!

I have some money making ideas (or had until school budgets were cut yet again). I know you do atc's at a local school what if you made a portfolio and visited some others in the area and asked if they have a small budget for it? I also thought of going to retirement homes with the idea.

My problem is I currently have no confidence in myself, and I am afraid to try new things. At least you have tried! I think you need to get your works into real markets. not just online ones. I tend to look at online stores for ideas but rarely buy anything. If I go into a store, I usually go in because I am actually shopping. I know here in Camarillo, we have two crafter's marts where you can rent shelves. You might want to look into doing that in a couple different areas?

You are right though, non crafty-artsy people really don't get it. When you put love into something, and you get a blank stare when you give it to them, it stings. I made hubby a calendar for Christmas (you can see it on my blog if you are interested), and I told him it was for work, since youngest son bought him one for at home. I am sure his coworkers (engineer types) will think his wife has a screw lose. At least I know even it hubby does not get it, he appreciates it knowing how much I put into it.

It seems like the fun falls out of crafting/ creating art when we feel obligated and not appreciated. I use to make a set of 24 very elaborate cards for our church auction every year, and they brought in a reasonable amount of money. Well the husband of one of the people who really liked my work offered me $100.00 to make a set of 24 all incorporating teddy bears. By the time I was done I was so burnt out that I stopped making cards for probably 6 months to a year. As artists, it is hard to have deadlines, and set criteria. I know you probably struggled more with the ones people asked you to do than the ones that just came out of your imagination.

Once I have the two youngest back to school, daughter flies back to Wisconsin and the 2nd, and youngest son goes back on the 5th, lets get together for coffee. I can be a great sounding board.

Forgive me if I rambled too much or didn't make much sense.

Tumble Fish Studio said...

Thank you everybody. As I wrote to Liz, there is probably nothing more dangerous for a beginning artist to do to than to size things up with a heavy dose of practicality. I'm not sure what I'm thinking or what I want to do. I'll figure out what I am supposed to. It is really nice to be able to figure things out with a bunch of great people like you all!